wannabehappy1179

I always knew I had a problem with depression, but i was not aware how far down it would bring me. I have always felt like an outcast whether it be with family, friends or strangers. I never thought of myself worthy of anything that would bring me happiness.

As time has went on for the past ten years I have been in a downward spiral and to this day, i still have no clues on how to feel comfortable in my own skin.

I am at a point in my life where I can cry for three to four days straight and it comes out of nowhere, I have had people label me and the label does not fit my character, but I just stay quiet and dont say anything, I have been labeled as being mean,selfish  bitch you name it and I know I have been called it. Its hard for me to reach out to the most important people in my life because either they are embrassed about me being bipolar or they just rather not deal with me, and all that is cool, but if i had a family memeber that I thought was acting out for attention I would do any and everything in my power to help them cope and have a better life.For some reason that is not the response I get, I usually get get over it, let your haters be your motivators,stop acting silly, you are crazy and etc. Well tell you what its easy to tell someone to stop whinning when you are not in their shoes to experience the pain they feel, just because no one is beating up on me does not mean that I dont hurt and that is the hardest thing to explain to someone, and surprising enough I am not even sure how to help myself out of this black dismal hole that I truly feel that I am trapped in.